You Say Who makes a quick return to celebrate TheBPlot’s fifth year as the area’s most-read features site…
YOU ARE BANNED FROM READING FURTHER IF YOU CAN’T LAUGH AT YOURSELF…
WHICH beautiful and silly thirtysomething told TheBPlot: “I should start a company where I help girls with the password to their boyfriends computer. I’ve never needed more than three tries.”
WHICH very likable Asbury Park developer’s VRBO.com listing has other builders and homeowner’s scratching their heads? The developer’s rental listing personal profile reads: “Local developer who is personally responsible for the major renaissance of Asbury Park since 1997.” One homeowner called the profile claims “outrageous… just outrageous.” A local builder who says he has ”bought and renovated eleven homes and lots over the past ten years” said of the listing “he’s really a good guy but what the f*ck? He just unintentionally slapped the face of every person and group that has done something for this town. We all have egos around here, we are just not so public about it.”
WHICH eastside gay confirmed to TheBPlot that he plans to “will [his] home to a homeless couple” he knows from working at a local soup kitchen. “When my time comes, they still won’t own a home.”
FOR READERS outside Asbury Park, FYI, Springsteen has been rehearsing for his upcoming world tour (photo below).
WHICH politico is gearing up for his reelection campaign next year with two volunteers scouring local newspapers and newsletters to find spotlighted locals to send personalized, handwritten notes of encouragement and thanks to?
WHICH downtown retailer emailed TheBPlot to say “I just learned that Bamboozle attendees won’t be able to come and go [from the event] during the day. They will be trapped inside the event and can’t leave if they don’t like the band playing to come have lunch with me or shop at any of the stores downtown. But the organizers just invited me to spend $4000 on a food tent at the festival… it’s another kick in the stomach for the forgotten downtown businesses.” From what we hear to-date from Live Nation and Asbury Park every major entity is making efforts to ensure there is opportunity for most local stakeholders in Bamboozle - beyond the $200,000 direct revenue for the city and $4000 ‘invitations.’ More to come.
WHICH Ocean Grove condo neighbors are suing each other because one of the neighbors recently installed a high pressure toilet? “When my toilet flushes, it takes all the water from [the neighbors] unit,” said one of the constipated homeowners.
WHICH broker is offering stay packages to current realtors to keep them from jumping ship? “Yup, he gave me a check last month for $10,000,” confirmed one valuable realtor. Another realtor told us “I will only say [the stay package] was more than $1000 plus he promised me he would pay for my own website.”
WHICH Asbury Park church has parishioners polarized by two sudden changing of the “guards,” leaving some to suggest the story is “the best reality show around”? Rumors of gay sex, power struggles between former friends, big money, backstabbing, lies, screaming meetings, “purple-faced” angry ladies, heartbreak, century-old tradition and respect thrown “out the stained glass windows” and more. Two very different positions and way too much to get into here.
WHICH local was so “pissed,” according to reports, when she saw the woman her husband was rumored to be cheating with, the wife rammed her car into the other woman’s car in the parking lot of Super Xtra (photo below)? Reports revealed, shockingly, that the wife was leaving the liquor store and had alcohol on her breath.
WHICH ultra-masculine local, with an ultra-masculine job says he isn’t gay but likes to get massages from men who will “lay on [him].”
WHICH local posed the question: “Who do I have to talk to about the Asbury Park crossing guards? Talking on the cell phone, not paying attention, kids running around. It will be my fault when I [accidentally] hit one of them but they are getting paid to talk on the phone?”
SPEAKING of downtown businesses. Which three entrepreneurs emailed TheBPlot about the Chamber of Commerce meeting about Bamboozle (photo left): “Horrible that they are charging me ten dollars to learn about how my business won’t benefit from Bamboozle. Why can’t anything be straightforward here? It’s not the money, it’s the Chamber having their hand out for something so important.” It’s probably worth the money, despite the tackiness of the invite.
WHICH iconic bar and club’s “over-processed” and “outdated manager” is said to be attempting to control her teeny ”kingdom” by purportedly blocking specific locals that don’t tow the positive party line of the company she works for, from entry to the music venue? “Funny thing is, we feel bad for her more than angry,” said one reportedly banned boy. “We actually like her and root for her but she’s so insecure and has no sense of humor to speak of that she can’t see the forest through the trees. I hope she reads this and realizes we pity her more than care about getting into [the venue] to see a 90′s grunge band.”
WHICH local waiter texted photos of his boyfriend’s most masculine of area’s to a dining couple in exchange for the promise of a bigger tip?
SPEAKING of tips, which sexy area bartender told TheBPlot she “likes it” when we shared with her that she’s popular with straight male customers because she shows her ”coin slot when she bends over while working behind the bar?”
WHICH boardwalk bartender confirmed to TheBPlot that, on a dare, she took a regular into the bathroom to orally service him “during a slow winter night?” The Ocean Township residing customer didn’t have a happy ending.
WHICH locals and organization representatives aren’t feeling too festive after reading the recent report that Asbury Park’s Fourth of July Parade won’t continue because of $25,000 cost of the two hour long autocade? “I dropped my spoon in my cereal when I read how much it supposedly costs for that parade of politicians and fire trucks,” said one reader. Another reader asked, “What could possibly cost twenty five grand? The area fire houses don’t get any money, same with the politicians – as far as they have told me. So where is it all going? Where’s the accounting on this. I will donate $500 to look at the past three years’ books for that parade. My estimate is that it costs no more than $1000 plus lots and lots of people’s time.” One source close to the Gay Pride Parade told TheBPlot: “We charge businesses to participate in the parade which helps fund other activities. I don’t have any answers as to why [the Fourth of July Parade] could cost that much.” For the record, TheBPlot loves the parade and hopes it continues in some capacity.
SEEMINGLY from a line from a “Parks and Recreations” sitcom script, which politico smiled while telling TheBPlot: “The public sucks.”
WHY are some prospective new boardwalk tenants saying they have received “45 page leases” and others telling us that their attorneys have “10 page leases” for review? Similar industry businesses but with vastly different terms and conditions from the landlord. We couldn’t confirm any of this but after hearing four different stories, thought it was worth talking about.
MISSED M4W connection: “We met on Thursday on Main Street in Bradley Beach. We came back to my house and we had a nice time. We were going to meet this past friday at 10am but you didn’t show. Would like to see you again. John”
Missed W4W connection: “Hey, I am looking for a girl named Lex Trujillo from Asbury Park….I”m from Chicago and will be visiting and was hoping to touch base before I come to town…I lost all of my contacts so drop a line or if you know Lex, let her know somebody is looking! and can anybody let me know where the girls hang out? Thanks!”
Missed M4M connection: “Blonde UPS Delivery Guy – m4m – 45. You had to get my signature but really were not comfortable with my dog so I went outside to talk to you. Would like to see u more if you are into it. Long shot but let me know if you see this.”