For the past two weeks the media has been consumed with gay icon Barbara Walters’ new autobiography, Audition – especially the revelation that she had an affair with a married man 30 years ago.  Me?  I could not care any less about who she slept with.  That’s between the two of them.


What makes me crazy is that Barbara, in her book, skewers her former colleague on The View, Star Jones, for not telling the world her weight loss was due to stomach stapling, not Pilates and portion control, as Star originally said.   


“Elegant” Barbara does not, however, dedicate an inch of text to discussing her too-many-to-count-with-your-hands-and-feet plastic surgeries.


“I estimate she has had about $150,000 worth of excellent surgery over the years,” stated Dr. Fred Ezon, cosmetic surgeon based in Oakhurst.


So, it seems, in Miss Walters’ universe, it’s horrific to not reveal a stomach stapling but it’s totally fine to ignore the equally blatantly obvious morphing of one’s own face and body.  Not fair play. 


The 30 year-old Barbara is just as beautiful as the Barbara we see today, but its like looking at two different people.  She chooses – chooses – to make Star’s life more difficult by bringing up the tired subject of stomach stapling.  Star’s surgery should have had no place in Barbara’s autobiography.


President Lincoln’s face on the new five dollar bill has more emotion than a Barbara Walters’ close-up. 


At 77, Barbara looks more alert than a 14 year-old girl watching future American Idol David Archuleta belt out a ballad.


It was painful to watch Barbara speak with Oprah about the death of her sister.  Not because of the subject matter, because Barbara’s tear ducts were seemingly removed in an early 90’s Blepharoplasty.  I say this with love.


Children should leave the room when Barbara tries to make her “crying face” – it’s that scary.


New York City- based cosmetic surgeons have called her surgeries “aggressive.”  Her eyes “hallowed.”  Her eyebrows “crooked.”  Her face and neck lifted “multiple” times and “age-defying.” 


Nobody, including Barbara, should throw stones in a house they also live in.   


Briefly:  Huge kudos to Father Bob and Clark Shannon and Center a la Carte’s five-time co-chairs, Sam Nativo, co-owner, Mix Lounge & Food Bar and Amy Grandinetti – they outdid themselves again this, the 15th year of the Gala. 


Special thanks to the restaurants that support our community and this event: Asbury Park Roastery, Bistro Ole, Carmine’s, CASK 591, Culinary Education Center of Monmouth County, D&L Barbeque, Ducky Life Tea, Freddy, Harrison, Isabella’s, Jesse’s Café, Kessler’s Catering, Laila’s, Lusty Lobster, Market in the Middle, Mattison Park, Moonstruck, Mumford’s Culinary Center, MUNCH, Plan B, Silk Catering, Starbucks, Synaxis at the Shore, Taka, Tasty Pantry by Elaine, Baker Boys, Perfect Perk, Windmill.  (ELLEN THE ABOVE LIST WAS CONFIRMED AND FORWARDED TO ME FROM CLARK AT THE CENTER)


Also, see you at Gay bowling this Saturday, 7 pm, Asbury Lanes.  Hosted by the Barron of Bowling, Michael Delia.