HEDDA LETTUCE: “NEXT TIME I WILL HAVE BOTH MY BALLS IN THE WHITE HOUSE.”

 

TBP:  Which celebs are our modern day Anne, Neely and Jennifer?

Hedda:  I suppose Neely is Lindsey Lohan – that train wreck won’t stop – and Jennnifer is Anna Nicole Smith.  Anne, Darling, would have to be someone who is so annoying and perfect and there are soooo many of them.  

TBP:  Give me the exclusive – are you Tiger Wood’s mistress Number 13?

Hedda:  I can’t comment at this time, dear.  I need to figure out how much money I can possibly make on this.  Lucky Number 13 you know.  

TBP:  Any advice for Tiger’s wife Elin?

Hedda:  Get a new name like Rachael or Stacey.  Secondly, you choose your own path.  She is just as full of sh*t as he is.

TBP:  In November my snitches told me you taped a pilot for a new reality show. 

Hedda:  I have no f*cking idea what’s going on with it.  Its up to the producer-guys now.  The show’s working title is Drag Queens of New York City.

TBP:  I love your mom, Shredda Lynn’s quote “You can please some of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time.  When you try to please all of the people all of the time?  You become a big fat liar!”

Hedda:  Her brilliance depends on the time of day and how much liquor she has had.

TBP:  What’s a day in the life like for the Queen of Green?

Hedda:  I spend my days rubbing moisturizer on my face and body, Darling, like everyone else. 

TBP:  You made a big hoo-ha by having a holiday ornament adorn the White House Holiday Tree in 2009. 

Hedda:  Yes, wasn’t that something?  Now that I have had one of my balls in the White House I am planning a run for president in 2012.  I will have both my balls in the White House.  Certainly if Sarah Palin can run, I can. 

TBP:  No doubt my sweet.  Cheers to your fabulousness in the next decade. 

Richard@TheBPlot.com

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