PRIDE 2010: LETTUCE CELEBRATE

You will never look at Olivia Newton John the same way again. 

That is, after Saturday night (June 5) when drag queen superstar Hedda Lettuce returns to Asbury Lanes for another tweaked viewing of an iconic film.

POSSIBLY THE ASBURY PARK AREA’S GUILTIEST PLEASURE… “YOU SAY WHO” RIGHT NOW!

This time the film is “Xanadu” starring a young and bright-eyed, post-“Grease” stardom Olivia Newton John.

We have not spoken since her last sold-out visit to town, produced by Asbury Park’s Brad Hurtado, so I called her for a check-in.

TBP:  Hey, Hedda.

Hedda:  Darling.  Sorry I have not had a chance to talk… I have been trying to plug my own oil spill.

As for the oil spill in the Gulf, I have a strange feeling it was a plan masterminded by the Republican Party to disgrace the president.  Perhaps I am paranoid, but why else would we have a web cam on the leak 24/7?  Do I need to watch gallon upon gallon of black sludge being dumped into our waters all day and night?  No. It has become like the Yule Log during Christmas. But I will tell you this I would rather watch the oil spill than tune into the reality show horror, “Jersey Shore.”

TBP:  Ah, you would look good with Snooki’s poof, though.  Speaking of hairstyles, have you seen Sarah Jessica Parker’s ‘do in “Sex in the City 2”?  You were on the television version a few times.

Hedda:  I am tired of those dried up b*&%$es.  And yes I will see the film – I want to see how much Vaseline they had to put on the camera lenses to make them look good.

TBP:  I saw the movie and I think Kim Catrell’s neck is stretched a lot too much.  It looks painful, actually.  Half the film is in Abu Dhabi where the ladies have to keep their body covered by scarves.  The whole plotline was really forced and I think the cover up component was part of the producer’s plan this time around – no one is 30 anymore.  Part 2 is visually gorgeous, but the plot stunk.

Hedda:  From my time with Kim I can say she is old and sexy.  Sara (Jessica Parker) is just old and mean, Darling.

TBP:  I love it.  My favorite story of the week is the latest Duchess Fergie scandal – caught on video selling introductions to her ex husband.

Hedda:  I think she did the right thing.  I would have done it for half that amount.  It is called networking my dears and there should be no shame in it.  Besides it is better than working for Weight Watchers.

TBP:  I vote for you to take over Simon’s chair on “American Idol”.

Hedda:   I would do a great job.  I also think that a pet rock would be great hosting American Idol – Paula Abdul, the world’s biggest pet rock, hosted it for years.

TBP:  You are back for the second Gay Pride year, hosting another great movie night at Asbury Lanes.  What do you have planned?

Hedda:  Well, I plan on remembering it this year.  Besides that, I promise everyone a great and laugh-filled evening.  I will talk with the audience, have some fun and then comment on “Xanadu” as it plays.

I hear I the horseshoe crabs are mating (on the Sandy Hook shoreline) Saturday.  To the nature lovers, I say, the drag queens are mating as well, my dears – in a special place in the bowling alley.  What would you rather see, a crab mate or a drag queen?  I choose the crab as well.

TBP:  I am torn.  Thanks Hedda.

AsburyParkEvents.com has more info.

THEBPLOT BONUS INTERVIEW

TBP:  Any advice to help your fans look good on the beach this summer? 

Hedda:  Drink lots of vodka, no olives, and you should be just fine.  Forget the ice as well.  

TBP:  And what about some etiquette advice for people on the beach this summer? 

Hedda:  No thongs, my dears.  I hate seeing dental floss up a fat bitches behind.  Please do not bring a boom box blaring your favorite tunes.  I do not want to hear your Stacy Q remix from the 80’s.

TBP:  And what about the first thing that comes to mind with a bunch of celebs?

Hedda:  Lindsay Lohan-drunk; Jennifer Aniston-old; Angelina Jolie-bitch; Brad Pitt-kinda hot; Hugh Jackman-who; Jesse James-who; Brad Hurtado-old, mean and sexy; Lady Gaga-who; RuPaul-what is a RuPaul; Katy Perry-over; The Kardashians-lucky; Vanessa Williams-hot; Howard Stern-kinda funny; Robin Quivers-who?

Search “Hedda” for more TheBPlot interviews.

Richard@TheBPlot.com

THEBPLOT = AREA’S #1 FOR SUMMER FUN

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