NY POST POLLS AREA COMICS: 15 “BEST JESTS” OF PAST YEAR – LOL!

The NY Post surveyed the top New York comics about the “best jests” of the past year.  Below is my list of favorites, from their bigger list of favorites…

It’s not that men don’t want to get married – we just aren’t prepared for it.  Girls think about it their entire lives.  When I was a little boy, I never got together with my friends and said, “Let’s play married.  Let’s pretend I just came home from the store and bought all the wrong stuff and you yell at me.”  – Tom Papa

I’m strangely impressed by obese vegetarians.  To me, it’s like saying, “I’m gonna live life unhealthy – the hard way.”  – Sheng Wang

I am done with reality TV.  I have no idea what I’m watching.  is this “Jersey Shore” or the world’s longest Olive Garden commercial? – Dave Attell

The term “sex addict” makes it sound like sex is a drug.  And i guess after 23 years of marriage, in my house it is a controlled substance. – Bobby Slayton

Women complain men don’t have any emotions.  We have the same emotions as you, we just don’t go through every one of them every single day.  – Robert Duchaine

You know why the Democrats’ symbol is the letter D?  Because it’s a grade that means good enough, but just barely.”  You know why the Republicans’ symbol is R?  Because it’s the noise a pirate makes when he robs you and feeds you to a shark.  – Bill Maher

Sarah Palin has said that she is considering running for president in 2012.  Is it a coincidence that that’s the year the Mayan calendar ends?  – Gary Shandling

It’s harder being gay than being black.  There’s some things that i had to do as a gay that I didn’t have to do as a black.  I didn’t have to come out as black.  I didn’t have to sit my parents down and tell them about my blackness.  “Mom, Dad… I have to tell ya’ll something.  I hope you still love me.  Mom, Dad… I’m black.”  “Oh Lawd Jesus, she didn’t just say “I’m black.”  It was “Soul Train” wasn’t it.?”  – Wanda Sykes

In Afghanistan, a general said “It’s amazing what the US military is doing here.  To date, we’ve built 500 miles of new roads, 15 new schools and 20 new police departments.”  I thought, “Wow, that is amazing.  When we’re done here we should invade Detroit.”  – Kathleen Madigan

Cellphones have ruined relationships.  Because it’s instant access.  Before cellphones, you had all day to get your story together.”  – Rodney Laney

Guys wear jerseys for the teams they’re not even on.  That’s like me watching “Grey’s Anatomy” in scrubs.  – Whitney Cummings

Volunteer firefighters are so cocky.  It’s like they are saying to regular firefighters: “I can do your entire job in my spare time.” – Michael Vecchione

Obama ran on a platform of change and he stayed true to his word because that’s all everyone has left in their pockets… change!  – Jackie Mason

I was so sad when i heard that Gary Coleman passed away from multiple aneurysms.  Which is kinda like “Diff’rent Strokes.”  – Jeffrey Ross

Lance Armstrong finally retired from pro cycling.  I guess he’s taking his ball and going home.  – Joe Devito

More of the “150 Best Jests” at NYPost.com.

Richard@TheBPlot.com

AREA'S MOST-READ FOR FOUR YEARS!!!

Advertisements