July 07

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“BEST OF” YOU SAY WHO 2009

What some call the best of “You Say Who” from 2009 – the year the column was launched…

Photo designed by Billy Mecca / Beachcruiser

WHICH bumbling burglar was caught after shoplifting last week because he was identified on the surveillance camera wearing his TJ’s Pizza delivery jacket?  Ug.  (12.29.09) 

WHICH southeast residing straight couple hysterically reminisced about the worst gift he ever gave her – 10 years ago – when they lived in northern NJ?  “He gave me a 20 foot extension cord.  He said he saw me struggling to vacuum the house – always stopping and plugging in the vacuum.  He said he thought it would make life easier for me.  It made life a lot more difficult for him for a while.”  Smile.  (12.23.09) 

WHO revealed the wonderful light, fragrant and fruity house Pinot Grigio at ultra fancy-pants David Burke’s restaurant La Fromagerie in Rumson – served there at $8 a glass – is by northeast Italy’s Collegiata label [photo right] and available special order at Spirits Liquors in Wanamassa for $7 a bottle?  It’s a really, really fab wine.  (12.24.09)  

WHICH thirtysomething ultra-sexy blonde lipstick lesbian on-the-sly vacationed with her husband in Key West recently?  While he was sleeping, she stepped out for secret lady love.  (12.17.09) 

WHICH home inspector forgot to turn the furnace down after testing it during a hot day last summer…10 hours later, the Ocean Grove tenant returned home to find a dead bird, rabbit and two gerbils.  OMG.  (12.17.09) 

WHICH sexy new boy couple’s favorite fetish is “Wax Play” – hot wax on skin?  They claim to have discovered their passion after a dog knocked over a candle on the couch recently.  (12.17.09) 

WHICH eastsider’s father was just released from Club Fed after 10 years and is now in a halfway house, soon to come to Asbury Park for the final step in his release – home confinement for a few months?  He went to prison for a white collar crime involving financial improprieties.  (12.17.09) 

WHICH recently severed Asbury Park lesbian couple is feuding over a charge on one of their credit cards for the other’s boob job?  (12.10.09) 

WHICH of my “Today Show” snitches revealed a conversation Wednesday between the producers of the fourth hour of the show’s “host chat” – with Kathie Lee Gifford and Hoda Kotb?  Given the continuing breaking news with the Tiger Woods scandal and Kathie Lee’s experience with public infidelity with her husband Frank in 1997 (with a flight attendant) producers thought it would be a great idea to drum up publicity for the show if Kathie Lee discussed the Woods scandal from a “personal point of view.”  “Absolutely not will I rehash any of that horrible history in my life,” my snitch quoted the fab Kathie Lee as saying loudly.  Frustrated producers gripe that the two ladies are talking about the biggest pop culture news story, on the biggest news show, in a way that the experience is “so foreign to them both.  It’s the 500 pound gorilla in the room that nobody wants to pay attention to.”   Ug.  (12.03.09)  This item was  the first from TheBPlot to be excerpted in the New York Daily News, Gawker, Chickaboomer and more and, some say, ultimately was the catalyst to getting Kathie Lee to discuss her experiences on-air the following Monday.

WHICH former area mayor cancelled his decade-plus long tradition of hosting a Thanksgiving Day “Man-Only” breakfast, to the dismay of many men?  Many question whether the breakfast was cancelled because what was once a breakfast for testosterone-packed town employees and friends saw more than 700 people attend last year – including…gasp…uninvited women.  (12.03.09)   

WHICH firefighter, when asked to be photographed in his boxer shorts for the 2010 calendar (launched last Saturday) replied, “I would but I am not wearing underwear – and I don’t usually under my uniform”?  Excellent answer.  (12.03.09)  

AT which local one-time event in town were security guards hired not to keep peace, but to make sure guys kept their pieces in their pants?  (12.03.09)  

WHICH owner of an iconic Italian restaurant in town tells her employees, “No chewing in the kitchen”?  Staff at this hugely successful restaurant brown bag it to work – waitresses can’t even sample the specials.  That’s why these hard-working, superior waitresses say “I saw (insert menu item) and it looks great” to customers – no mention of the taste.  My snitch bitterly said, “(The owners) won’t spring for twelve-cents worth of pasta for each of us.”  Ug.  (11.25.09)     

WHICH additional media outlet – this one a quarterly mag out of Red Bank – should be added to the list of print and online publications that leverage TheBPlot for their story ideas and fact-checking, without giving us credit, instead of doing their own work?  Since The New York Post and The Asbury Park Press (not Nancy Shields) have done it, the other ones are in good company, despite irritating me immensely.  (11.25.09)  

WHICH realtor thought she let a homeowner’s indoor cat out while showing an Ocean Grove property?  She and the prospective buyers scrambled to get the cat back in the home…it wasn’t the right cat!  (11.19.09)   

WHICH lovely lesbian local lady’s “safe word” – an unambiguous word used during a sexual encounter, agreed upon ahead of time, to communicate to the other participant(s) that a physical or emotional boundary is about to be crossed – is “Archipelago”?  (11.19.09)   

WHICH major, major legal talking head on a top cable news channel – who has lifelong ties to New Jersey and I hear comes to Asbury Park under the radar – is living a Roy Cohen-like life?  His horrid closet-case defense of the citizens of Maine voting down a law barring discrimination based on sexual orientation, in addition to passively sitting while his talking-head friends spread hatred around the country, really pissed me off last week.  This anti-gay pontificator hit on me hard years ago at a party in New York and then hit on an attorney-friend of mine.  Both of us declined his advances so he went home with another guy – and took him to Puerto Rico a few days later!  If he’s going to be a self-hating gay, he needs to stop his own “spin control” and keep his mouth shut.  (11.12.09)  

WHICH greater-area restaurateur has a secret past as one of the original Disney Mouseketeers?  Decades later, he is a real estate, restaurant and bar mogul with his wife, owning popular licenses-to-make-money spots including the Osprey – billed as “the Jersey Shore’s favorite place to party” – in Manasquan?  (11.12.09)

WHICH opening soon, tavern-style bar’s owner wanted to renovate and launch the soon-to-be hot local hangout months ago, but couldn’t because the liquor license was tied-up by his ex-wife during their divorce.  (11.05.09)   

WHICH Asbury Park columnist adopted two kittens (found on Sewall Avenue by Carolyn Curtin), Monday to celebrate  his recent birthday?  He named them after two iconic gossip columnists – Hedda and Parson [photo right], for Hedda Hopper and Louella Parsons to compliment his dog, Truman’s name (named after Truman Capote)?  (11.05.09)   

IN which grand east side home’s yard was a long, thin, very old bone found when the property was being excavated for an expansion and renovation?  (10.29.09)    

WHICH residents of a very fancy building on Cookman Avenue had their own “Law & Order” scene the other weekday when a neighbor was pulled out in handcuffs by Asbury’s finest for allegedly selling drugs out of his apartment?  “The new BMW, the expensive clothes, no job and high-volume of ‘friends’ in and out of the unit was kind of a giveaway something was up,” said one of the neighbors.  (10.29.09)  

WHICH fancy-pants New York designer, living part-time in Ocean Grove, spotted a clueless salesperson at B&J Fabrics in NYC snapping at Lady Gaga, “We don’t cut (fabric) samples here.”  (10.25.09)  

WHICH grand Asbury Park home was I in when an uber-talented medium from Paranormal Books made a believer out of me?  She said my deceased brother was “standing” right next to me as a “contemporary spirit” and knew his name, guys.  (10.25.09)     

WHICH north Ocean Grove resident rocked the Home Shopping Network, Friday, selling thousands of his gorgeous necklaces in minutes?  His designs are available locally at Bodega Shoppe.  (10.25.09)     

WHICH gay guy / straight guy roommate situation in town is where the straight guy allows the gay guy to watch via a webcam while he “taps it” with unknowing ladies?  (10.15.09)     

WHICH fancy pants beachfront condominium’s residents are experiencing “water infiltration” issues with the façade of the building?  “That’s why the stucco is being ripped off the north side,” said my City source.  (10.15.09)     

WHICH “Burning Man” attendee and local satellite club member is known as “Taco Man” at the event?  He walks around with his most masculine of areas in a cardboard taco.  Eeek.  (10.15.09)    

WHICH three homes, two eastside Asbury one north Ocean Grove, secretly host “Burning Man” (a seven day event billed as having “no rules about how one must behave or express oneself” taking place each August in the Nevada desert and claiming 48,000 attendees in 2009) nude parties, alternating locations monthly?  One homeowner is famous for being a “no-no square” barber at the Nevada event each year.  (10.08.09)  

WHICH fiftysomething and self-described “mature gay man” Asbury Park local advertises a special kind of welcome wagon online for those interested in coming to town?  Beyond touting the city: “Lots to do, great restaurants, music…two gay hotels”, he also touts himself as a “…educated, well-travelled…sensuous…trimmed hair bear-like…healthcare professional” who is happy to “…give you a massage”.  He closes the ad explaining this is a “…great opportunity to experiment with a safe and entertaining man.  All services paid by you as negotiated up front.”  A reader sent me the photos he sends out to prospects – there’s nothing I can share that’s even R-rated.  (10.08.09)         

WHICH Ocean Grove resident still has nightmares about when her family’s home accidentally caught ablaze – decades ago – and her mom told the family to sit quiet for “what seemed like forever” before they called the fire department so the fire would be sure to destroy the house and her mother could collect the insurance money for a new, better home?  (10.08.09)      

WHICH property, serving as a church on Second Avenue is Mr. Tracy Kimbrough “men’s minister” according to its website?  Tracy, 43, took ministering to a higher level recently in Shark River Park – he was spotted “performing a lewd act” with Antonio Marmolejo, 40.  Wall Township Patrolman Adam Cox made the arrest.  Calls to the church were directed to Tracy.  (10.01.09)  

WHICH climate controlled warehouse on Cindy Lane in Ocean Township is secretly home to many of Bruce Springsteen’s favorite classic cars?  (10.01.09)   

WHICH Conover realtor has a heart bigger than any deal he’s closed?  When he’s not selling, he is quietly helping friends, acquaintances and some strangers – making introductions, lending money that he’ll never get back, giving pep-talks and more.  He’s first-class.  (10.01.09)   

WHICH distinguished, “straight”, big-time realtor received a sexual act from an area transsexual?  (10.01.09)  

WHICH realtor was showing low-end rentals recently when his male twentysomething client from Brick – looking for an apartment for his fiancé and himself – turned to Realtor and said, “Forget this.  Lets go back to your house and f*ck.”  And bump uglies they did.  Realtor is saying it was one of the hottest experiences he’s had.  BTW – he didn’t rent the guy a unit.  (10.01.09)   

WHICH source revealed it’s “still unclear what’s going on with (first initial ‘C’) at Madison Marquette, her issues with the company and one major executive – and how it will all be resolved?  She’s not working, however collecting a paycheck.  She’s been offered a job at the company’s offices in Washington DC and I hear is still reviewing options with legal representation.  Madison Marquette, naturally, had “no comment.”  This saga deserves a name.  (09.24.09)  

WHICH area landscaper was busted for regularly using a client’s pool because the homeowners – receiving a $1,000 gas bill – realized he was the only one who could possibly be keeping the pool heater at a tropical temperature during the week, while they were in New York City?  (09.24.09)  

WAS anyone more fascinated with the Bison in Montana – or the great beauty of Yellowstone or Old Faithful – than Truman, continuing his very own “Truman’s Big Adventure”?  [photo left](09.24.09)  

WHICH well-known bisexual lady in Asbury Park is knick-named the “Titanic” in some circles because at least 1,000 men and women have gone down on her?  (09.17.09)

WHICH Ocean Grove business passive aggressively featured this photo [unedited, right] on its web site for almost one month, just recently replacing it?  The scratched-out person second from right is a longtime employee who resigned.  Hysterical.  (09.17.09)   

WHICH Wanamassa gay couple’s decade-long relationship was born from a rendez-vous in the 23rd Street New York Sports Club’s steamroom?  Sometimes they tell that story.  Sometimes they tell a more wholesome version.  (09.03.09)   

WHICH east-side condo-living late twentysomething hottie guy is currently having an affair with a New York political big-wig’s twentysomething, closeted son?  You wouldn’t recognize the politico’s son’s face, however his last name moves serious mountains.  (09.03.09)     

WHICH married, middle-aged Madison Marquette guy could not keep his paws off a pretty, young, seemingly willing, Madison Marquette female assistant last Thursday night from 10 pm until about 11 pm, while sitting at Langosta Lounge’s bar?  Another observer noted, “He has to be more discrete about his indiscretions.”  As a real estate guy, he should know he  can’t build castles in the sand…  (08.13.09)             

WHICH east-side residing realtor – single, white, gay, male, fortysomething, handsome, demure – wears a wedding ring to prospect appointments and talks about his fictitious wife when he believes he will be meeting with a family that would embrace him more if they thought he was straight?  One straight couple, who he totally read wrong, were furious telling me he actually “lightly insinuated homophobic comments” during their meeting.  (08.13.09)  

WHICH NYC resident and frequent Asbury Park visitor recently dined with Madonna, the director of “Truth or Dare” Alek Keshishian and others to talk about a subject in which our visitor is quite fluent – the Duchess of Windsor [photo left]?  Madonna is continuing to conduct research for a film on the royals where she would play the Duchess.  Trivia alert: In 1936, the Duchess was Time Magazine’s first “woman of the year.”  (08.13.09)   

WHICH local twentysomething gay longtime bartender is in line for the “Deli Award” this summer, because of all his tramping around?  More meat has passed through him than the Carnegie Deli.  (08.06.09)    

WHICH straight twentysomething area resident and employee used “Derrick Vineyard” as his gay porn pseudonym while performing in films, photos and live shows as a Falcon Studios exclusive in San Diego from 2004 to 2006 (approximately)?  Today, the unmistakably tattooed and uber talented…errr endowed, sweet, entrepreneurial hottie has bid farewell to his film career.  Hey, he wasn’t selling kidneys.  (08.06.09)

WHICH Long Branch police officer may need a lesson in 60’s granola music stars?  After performing at the Blue Claws game on Friday evening Bob Dylan – looking grungy, staying at Ocean Place – was walking around the resort’s grounds, enjoying the post-thunderstorm air, until a police officer believing he spotted a “suspicious character” and loitering vagrant, approached the 68 year-old, ID’ing and questioning him for 10 minutes.  Bob was a total great sport as irritating as that must have been.  (08.06.09)

WHICH young new female singing sensation did brown hair, blue eyed, mega-hot, very straight (seriously) Justin M. – Paradise bartender and part-time, big-time model – just do a photo shoot with in New York?  (08.06.09)    

WHICH thirtysomething, sexy, life-long area resident – who works for a business in Pier Village – told me that uber-rat Solomon Dweck’s wife shamelessly came to his business, after his 2006 indictment with a check for $100,000 drawn from the Bank of Tokyo-Mitsubishi, to pay for goods and services rendered.  What the hell is that all about and where is the FBI on that money?  (07.30.09)   

WHICH restaurant is grossing potential customers out by using the cube on which the go-go boys dance late night as a resting place for extra silverware, napkins, condiments and more during the day?  “We all know what goes on, on that box and a napkin covering the top of the box doesnt (sic) cut it,” said the email signed “Skeeved”.  Skeeved attached this photo…  (07.16.09)    

WHICH married Ocean Township husband was ridiculously chatting up a hostess at Stella Marina last weekend, attempting to get her phone number in his Blackberry for “help with babysitting?”    

WHICH downtown store gives you more than you bargained for in the stock room?  The “active” Craig’s List ad, sent to me on July 6 (posted on the site at 8.16 am) by a reader who exchanged photos with the Cookman Avenue proprietor, begins verbatim (with naughty words edited), “Backroom NSA BJ’s – 42.  I’m slim, toned (28″ waist, 130lbs) expert c**ksucker seeking c**ks to s*ck in a store backroom…”  There’s also a photo.  What a way to kill time in between sales.  (07.09.09)  

WHICH city center fancy-pants residential building was recently evacuated for the extermination of bedbugs?  This, in addition to the Cookman Avenue building I told you about a few weeks ago whose tenants were asked to leave for six hours – with their pets – while the  property was exterminated.  An update:  the Cookman Avenue tenants are now fit to be tied with the property manager because he promised to clean all tenant’s clothes and ruined “at least half” of everyone’s high-end wardrobes by washing everything in ultra-hot water.  After promising to compensate the tenants, the management backed out at the last minute.  (07.09.09)  

WHICH business owner I feature frequently (and glowingly, deservedly so) is using a two-word phrase I coined in an article about the business everywhere – newsletters, special discounts, marketing collateral, press releases, website – even in Business Owner’s voicemail greeting, yet can’t even take a moment and say “thanks” let alone actually give me credit for the quote or return a call unless Business Owner wants something.  Seriously, so over it…and duly noted.  (07.02.09)  

WHICH Asbury Park long-term couple – with a “stepping out” agreement – had an awkward moment at Mattison Park the other night when they bumped into each other with their respective “dates”?  (07.02.09)  

WHICH Asbury Park / New York City resident thought he scored big time when he was hit on by a fancy big-time celebrity at a Chelsea bar recently?  As they taxied it to fancy celeb’s love den our Asbury friend was so hot and excited at the thought of being in the glitzy condo – it’s been featured in New York Magazine – and taking a roll with a huge bold-faced name.  The surprise came when the celeb took our Asbury friend to his building’s basement storage unit – furnished comfortably for strange love – not his condo, to tap it.  (05.28.09)   

WHICH northwest Asbury Park homeowner was overheard last Saturday during the TriCity Arts Tour bragging that he has been connecting his watering hose to his weekend-only neighbor’s faucet to maintain his lawn and fill his spa – among other property maintenance activities? 05.21.09  

WHO needs to stop “drunk-n-sexting”? After a night out, this thirtysomething west-side resident has been known to distribute ultra-close-up photos – mostly of his most masculine of areas, sometimes with his partner of the moment – via his Blackberry, to friends, ex-lovers and semi-strangers. The recipients I spoke with think he is funny and silly, but some of their significant others are getting irritated. (05.14.09)  

WHICH 1980’s top film star has been spending time around town and enjoying all that is Asbury Park – including shopping at Bodega Shoppe and Brielle Cyclery, drinking at Watermark and eating at the Harrison – on the down-low? The recently “out,” single lesbian currently lives in a beautiful, early 1900’s home in Collingswood, NJ, that she is painstakingly renovating and looking for a sexy, low-key lady to share it with. She would love to live in Asbury Park but wants more property and privacy for her home. (05.14.09)  

WHICH new-ish north side Ocean Grove resident should wonder why her two dogs don’t bark outside – or stay outside – for that matter, despite the newly installed doggie door? Her neighbors, fed up with incessant barking, pooled their funds to buy a Bark Smart Deluxe. The $60 gadget’s website details its “an outdoor mounted device using ultrasonic tones triggered by dogs barking that corrects him instantly and consistently. It will even work on your neighbor’s annoying dog up to 50 feet away!” (05.07.09)  

WHICH restaurant owner insists hosts put on an Oscar worthy performance – flipping pages, hemming and hawing – when customers phone for reservations? Reservationists have strict instructions to make every effort to imply the restaurant is overbooked. Thing is, when the customers arrive and see the place with an excessive number of tables empty, they get a bad taste in their mouth before eating the fantastic food. “This is not the Waverly Inn or New York,” one customer said. (04.22.09)  

WHICH Asbury Park renter sold the oven, fridge and dishwasher from the apartment she was renting to pay for the security deposit in her new apartment? Her former landlord is just so happy to have her out, he doesn’t care about the expense of replacing the appliances. (04.16.09)  

WHICH couple has earned the nickname “Bait and Tackle” because of the strategic fishing expedition they go on to find new friends to play with? The better looking, younger of the two (Bait) breaks the ice with the unsuspecting hottie prey at Paradise. The other gentleman (Tackle) reels ‘em in and shares in the rewards. (04.16.09)  

WHICH married, in-town realtor needs to be more careful who she talks to and what she talks about? In regards to homes for sale that need a little TLC, she has been known to say to colleagues she thinks are straight “this house just needs to be ‘faggotized’…you know how good they are at that kind of thing.” Thing is, the colleagues are so not straight and definitely offended at her vernacular. Oops. (04.09.09)  

WHOSE popularity is rising – and his calendar is already booked solid – because word is spreading about the new spring crop of wacky weed growing in his basement? (04.02.09)

WHICH sexy lady forgot her toolbox of most intimate of toys at a hotel in Philadelphia recently? She got her relaxing weekend getaway and let her toys get away from her. She called the Loews Hotel and requested they search for the box, however not open it. They opened it and she got it back but she wont be back at that hotel anytime soon. (03.11.09)

WHICH Asbury Park grand home’s renovation is being partially funded by serving as the set for online, straight amateur porn productions? Thanks to the depression, the homeowners are taking drastic measures to ensure the top-tier construction project is completed on time and budget. (3.04.09)

WHICH flooring company owner should know his ever-so-butch-I-am-living-with-a-girl site manager is not ‘out of area’ when he does not answer his cell? A large part of the time, he is ‘laying planks’ with one of their super-gay male customers. (3.04.09)

AREA'S MOST-READ FOR FOUR YEARS!

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